Providence - not in Rhode Island

Several wise beings have stated, when a man feels the imposition to stray from his convictions he should practice them at once. For years I have felt a desire to write about the abruptness and observations of my day-in, day-out. But, out of sheer exhaustion (I like to claim), or laziness (that which is more true) I have been inconsistent at writing.

Without being too introspective, the last few months have been a time of transition without the time to acknowledge that my life is now on a completely different path than when I first stepped foot on London street, those 2.5 years ago. Or perhaps, it's the same route but has taken that eminent transitional turn that was meant. Work at the Center has continued to progress, although the romantic period is long over and working the first nine-to-five, albeit 6:30 a.m. to 3 p.m., has been rough considering the freedom granted by the years prior.

My heart is constantly in flux, transitioning from my standard rigid coldness, to a more inclusive and understanding perspective now being around those who society would claim as the most broken. I wish I had an answer to what seems to be an unanswerable problem, much of the time, but the reality of a system so dysfunctional in its focus and allocation of resources is destined to serve many, but brutally and tragically leave out even more. And, those are the folks I'm getting to know each day. Those who walk away their lives on streets paved with fame many ventured to Hollywood in search of, only to be turned down and unhealthily treated toward insanity.

"...comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable."

Amidst the new confusion, and the community a few friends and I are hoping to establish, absolute concern with social justice and the whirlwind of emotion has lead to complete and utter exhaustion. There are ways to balance a passion; new-found desire and the willingness to listen to the whispers of God, but I have failed to this point.

A few months ago, in the midst of feeling way too comfortable and unchallenged I prayed without replete for 'affliction'. Like clockwork, and in the spirit of truth it was as if God was waiting for me to ask for that very thing - and when I did, he provided. What comes from being humbled is never grand in the moment, or the months to follow (I've found) but it does help one to grow is always a righteous desire to grow closer to He who humbled himself far more than we'll ever be able to realize.

I am thankful for my new position in a community, where i actually feel a part of a 'community' and even amid the exhaustion that I'm constantly afraid has hurt those around me who I simply haven't had energy to love as much as I wish I was able, I am humbled and praising Our Lord evermore for the opportunities he grants, and the prayers he answers even when we're feeling way less sufficient than we ever thought possible.


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