oh, how i'd do too much to see

suddenly, i digress from that loathsome reality
to love; that Love, that will never be.

Your hair in clasped hands; a sight to see!
an utter visage of our inequity

Those dream filled nights; indecision into reverie
a blood-stained heart; i long to see

i watch a couch arrayed amiss; perhaps it was on Delongpre
Or, was it just the spot of me, in err that you'd truly wait for me?

Green-swept necks; the void they say to see
from what i'll gauge my gracious-laden disparity


"...the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully!"
if only J. Alfred, your breeze-kissed lips he'd see.

Among the late evening, Chinatown meals we'd be
or, early market arm brushes; my utter pleasantries


fullness, ours, i realise fleeting; forever'll be
while fear; my constant reality.


frustration around a campfire, or bushfire, or whatever

I will not be told what to do, even if I get trampled by those trying to 'do what's best'. I have yet to sign up for health insurance, though the government tells me I should, err...have to. The centaur-ing of the U.S. government, and bullying toward harmless (and helpful ) organizations, I happen to support, has me also feeling like: Hey! I don't really feel like paying my taxes, either. Reading today; I hear our president - who likens himself more to Stalin than Lincoln, if you read the language of the last year - plans on spending more time talking about marijuana legalization and gay marriage at tonight's State of the Union, than spend on true and legitimate problems like misallocation of wealth, and college debt. The man is a puppet, as is anyone in Washington. And, it's a good thing I've avoided the mid-Atlantic so-so capital of our nation for so long, because I fear if I'd spent 30 seconds in the vicinity of a politician I'd be arrested for having my hand outstretched seeking an answer to the theory if he/she has a pulse.

Lately, in the company of do-gooders and peace makers who flood work space and my life, in this land of dreams and pragmatic relativism, I've come to a point of visible frustration. The offense on wisdom from centuries of research and understanding of natural law, by militant contemporary ideas of do-whatever-you-want, is insulting to everyone - even those stuck in the middle of their own ignorance. The other day, in conversation, the tragedy of abortion clinics closing in Louisiana was brought up as if abortion were a life-giving, and supportive charity service. Isn't it tragic, they described, that a woman can't do as she wishes with a clump of cells in her body, and oh yeah; Planned Parenthood does so much more than provide abortions, they asserted to me. McDonald's got in the business of fast food by doing one thing: making cheese burgers. And, if you ask any reasonable-thinking individual, the same would hold true that what McDonald's does best is make cheese burgers. But, oh yeah! The also provide McFlurries, and ooh! breakfast sandwiches, and on occasion the McRib (to my chagrin). But, McDonald's is still a fast-food vendor with business model built on one key thing: making cheeseburgers. Planned Parenthood does the same thing; they kill babies before they're born, and that's their main thing. You take that objective away, and planned parenthood does nothing different than any pharmacy w/ combined (non-gov't funded) birthing center; which may or may not suggest the idea of less-than-lethal practices than the killing of the 'potentially' human cells.

The inside of me feels like the homeless man who illustrated himself in front of me today, by the gyrating of hips, lips, to the tune of a slew of 'F' and 'C' words, when he couldn't get the someone on the phone to speak more-clear English at the Social Security office. He left in a spat, but I'll see him tomorrow and we'll try again. Frustrated is just a word. And no, it doesn't describe my near disgust with an attitude to help that is more concerned with short-sightedness which almost always turns to harm. The whole damn system is broken, and that's honestly the best part of it all. All this nonsense is temporary, and though we'll be excited one day, and thrilled for victory the next - or swelled by defeat - we'll get up and keep going. Because, that's the moral of the story, or rather; the motivation to be drawn from the story: keep going, and tell people when they're wrong, describe it to them, or just get out of the business altogether if it's driving you mad, because that's what it's built to do. We're intended by the nonsense to lose our heads, and then be the one left in the street feeding addictions of things we condemned with more clear minds.

And, at that point, we'll open our eyes and ask: who is the ignorant hypocrite now?


modern romance

What's romantic about the city life is the constants. There is always traffic moving. You can always hear people talking, or walking. Quickly, oftentimes they outpace those spending traveled time looking up at famous signs, all while speaking languages a Midwesterner can only pretend to guess. But what makes the city, or life living in the city (and especially L.A.), romantic is the constant of ebb and flow which leads to situations that so often happen, and happen with a sort-of divine stepping stone effect, one realizes when reflecting.

The house project is temporarily on hold, and until last week, I hadn't acknowledged - or even thought about - the length of time I have been unable to give someone my address to mail an invitation, card, or even to come by to hang when free. But, one friend suggested his feeling exhausted with being somewhat 'homeless', and at once, I was again pulled into that realization which sat like a dismal, non-precipitating cloud for months. April was the last time I had a place I could have someone send mail. And again, it felt like that had been long enough.

The reality that lives change, and with them plans, came to a head fall when - as predicted by some around the campfire that is our small Hollywood community - we were alerted two of our housemates were going ahead with their move to Oregon. Being that the plan with our partners began to flounder in December, and stagnancy became the theme rather than the progress we'd seen a few months prior, it seemed about right. So, I was not shocked and was passed the 'at-a-loss' stage when self-pity and confusion reign with the sense of uncertainty which can rule your days. At times, knowing the difficulty of having a job which pays little (but still not wanting anything more!) and trying to land a place in Hollywood, it makes a person (or me, in my weak nature) ask again, and again: "what the hell am I doing here, anyway?" But, then the days roll on, and the good-natured people and good-natured conversations, friend's couches and free lunches roll on and you realize that things are never bad with such blessings, and housing is something you ultimately can just deal with later. But, without forgoing the project which we intend to recalibrate and continue, it has come time to move somewhere, or at least unpack my car which has been stressed to the limit by a case of records, suitcases full of clothes, and odds-n-ends for far too long.

Tonight, I'm moving into a place with three other friends - who I had no idea existed when I came to L.A. 2+ years ago. Last night, as we prepped to sign the lease on a house that was formerly a psychic shop, situated 200 feet from one of the most famous streets in all the world, one friend asked: what are you most happy about with regard to the prospect of signing this lease, and moving into this house? At first, using my blinding sarcasm and annoying sense for disregarding significance I said something obscure and useless. But, a minute later I stated something to the effect - as above - of the absolute humbling sense I felt to be able to move into a house I never would have ever imagined being able to live in, with a group of people I love and who were was miraculously placed into my life as I never could have predicted, all together a few hundred feet from Sunset Blvd, again, the most famous bi-way for so many dreams and travelers from all over the world. It is significance; the people we find in the places we never could have forecast living, and seeing the providence of God's true Love for us in connecting those happenings and persons, who and which show you lets you that all is right and all with be right, and God, ultimately, is a romantic as well.

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