19.2.09

A distinguished feeling

I've heard that at some point, in every young artist's life, there is a turning point. A point of time, an event or a result that confirms entry into their next segment of life.

I hate to call myself an artist, but merely a student of the world, caught up in the happenings of the everyday life, asking why on the subject of, well, everything.

I do feel however, whether I'm an artist, writer, or skeptic, I had a moment that changed my trajectory of life this past weekend.

Heading home from Indianapolis, Sunday, I was held up in traffic for more than 3 hours. After several anxious minutes that dragged on to create hours, a text message revealed to me that two people were killed mere yards ahead of me in a head-on collision.

Other than feeling for the families, partially understanding the shock a family deals with after a tragic and quick loss, I was lost with my mind, misunderstanding my connection to the event until the next day.

While scraping dishes and pulling carts down the elevators from the patient floors on Monday, I replayed the previous day in my head - the hours of waiting and the tragic realization of the events that took place.

I think all of the time, as I have said, about "things that drift away, like our endless numbered days" and what my role is, in the world. (thanks to Iron & Wine for that) I really do.

Getting back, I thought about my entire process of departure of the day prior - what if, I had talked a little less, not brushed my teeth, or NOT taken the dog out one last time?

A person cannot project his/her life but we do make decisions leading to the final outcome of how our life will either end or continue, mostly always without the ability to know the result - the ultimate unknown in our lives.

I also don't assume to say that had I left Chris and Amiee's earlier the same events would have happened, I'm merely stressing that I changed my outlook this weekend, again, and in-so-doing, I met myself, where I hope to stand for many years to come.

What a tragic time those families are going through - but - how blessed are we for every moment we have with the people we love - even in our darkest days.

Don't let insignificance get you down every day. Realise those who remain beside you, whom you work for, is what matters in this world - all that matters.

I often wonder if the next moment will be my last, but I don't obsess. I wonder too, when people meet their ends in such a quick space of time - what about the day leading up to that professed to them that that day would be their last? If anything.

My lesson is, and has continued to be, live your life as if it could end in the next moment. Don't bother with needless worries, mind yourself and those around you with care. Not only will you end your life, with a reminder you did everything you could to make the best of this life, you will end each day with gladness and fulfillment in your heart.

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