Searching for despair/love

I can't decide if searching for love falls into the selfish endeavor category. I hold to selflessness and the needs of myself to provide for someone, as my excuse for reasonable persistence.

Situations and perspectives have changed in a years time. And, I'm indulgent of the misery having lead to a more enlightened state. I want more to encompass my brains efforts than for an effort focused so much on my happiness, however. In order to find love, one must strike down barriers of false assimilation and pretense. Then the search begins and only those lucky enough to remain simple minded have love throw into their lap.

I'm not so lucky, I'm afraid. Remaining to this assumption is fantastically unhealthy but, such can only be assumed when despair has recompensed for one night of love. Perhaps I'm petty but, living alone seems to be hell. And, having known what life is to live I'm useless and shall personify bemoan.

The antithesis of reality has to be my state of consciousness, or rather, I'm enlightened and everyone walks in a frenzied state. I'm sure it's quite the opposite. But, love is subjective? Yet, feels the same to everyone? "You're a buffoon," they'll say as I turn down the selfish act, again.


remaining motivated to make the move